Becoming not-I

The two most popular ways to achieve not-Iness are the Western way of giving yourself up to a higher power ("thy will, not mine"), leading to direct experience of not-I; and the Eastern way, which seeks direct experience of not-I directly. This is done by one-pointed concentration of the
mind, usually on one's breathing. This has the effect of emptying our mind (our I), leaving not-I. For monkey minds, it is sometimes useful to concentrate on a supposedly unanswerable question, such as the famous "what is the sound of one hand clapping." On the surface, no sound. Deeper, it is the sound of dark energy, not-I.

My question has been "who am I." Supposedly by looking inside at my I, I will find out that I am just an illusion caused by being a separate point of view. Break through the illusion and presto, not-I is there.

My biggest problem with all this is that I really don't want to become not-I. I like being I. I have a great life. I don't want it to change. So I half-heartedly ask myself the question, not really wanting to know the real answer.

But at the same time, there is a still desire to experience the truth. And sometimes, even a realization that I have an obligation to realize true Self; if not for me, than for others.

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