Attaining Heaven

God is known as love
Not-I is certainly love
I must be love too?!

Well, this seems counter-intuitive. It is obvious to me that I am not love; I don't do a lot for other people, don't think that much about other people, don't even pay much attention to other people, unless I want something from them. But logically, Haiku God is love, I am part of Haiku God, so I have to be love too. The only explanation I can think of is that I really am love, but my love is directed inward rather than outward - I love myself first, others after, if at all. Me first. It would follow that the stronger this love of I, the weaker is not-Iness, not-I being outward love. In fact, if we carry it to the extreme of inward love, we become the devil, the ultimate ego.

Conclusion? Simply that if I want to reach heaven (heaven being the state of not-Iness), I must turn my love outward. This will strengthen the not-I in me. And when the not-I is strong enough, heaven will be attained. But there's a conundrum here: logically, I shouldn't want to attain heaven, because it means the elimination of I. There can be no I's in the state of not-Iness. So why should I even try, especially if I like myself so much? Only because I've heard that being not-I is a happier state than being I, and I'd like to experience it, even though by definition I can't. It's a real dilemma for I.
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